Demon Coffee

Espresso is dangerous.

BACKGROUND

Getting up at 7 for work is hard. I know, some of my more experienced readers (a.k.a. my family members who have worked for decades) are gonna read that and say, “BAH! When I was young, I used to get up at 4 a.m.! Then I would trek uphill, in the snow, both ways….” Yes. I know. Getting up at 7 still makes me tired. Which is why coffee was invented.

NESPRESSO. DRINK OR ILLEGAL DRUG?

So, I get into the office the other day, and at about 10 I start lagging. Having not consumed my normal, near-toxic amount of Diet Coke, I was starting to feel a wee bit tired. So, I go to Laia, our lovely receptionist/assistant consultant and ask to buy some Nespresso. She says sure (in Spanish, vale) and offers me the stronger stuff. Before then, I had only tried the regular espresso, but I figured hey, why not? So she hands me the strong stuff. The Café Negro. Hereafter I will refer to it as El Negro Diablo. The Black Demon. Or the Demon Coffee.

I actually made the espresso machine work by myself without breaking it (yaaaaaaaay competency in acts of daily living!) and made a cup of respectable coffee. I go back to my desk to drink it.

I have to warn you now. I am actually not sure if what I drank was extremely strong coffee (‘strong’ as in ‘Chuck Norris strong’) or a weaker cousin of crystal meth. If anyone was wondering how the Spanish smuggle drugs into the country, I think it’s in packets of coffee. Which consumers unwittingly buy and then drink.

In a matter of minutes, I go from a bit tired and slightly non-functioning to hyper beyond belief and unable to perform any higher cognitive functions. Suddenly, I have the uncontrollable urge to giggle at anti-discriminatory policies in the European Union. Yeah. Then I want to giggle at the thought of giggling at anti-discriminatory policies in the EU. However, there is just one problem. I have a co-worker who sits in spitting distance of me, and I was 90% sure that if I started laughing hysterically at nothing, she will think I am completely psycho.

So, when the laughter inevitable broke through, I feigned a coughing fit. Three separate times. Which did not go unnoticed; she started glancing over at me periodically like I was a particularly interesting animal at a zoo. Then I tried drinking water to disguise my mirth, and finally I had to resort to biting my tongue to keep myself quiet. Of course, I could really do anything about the uncontrollable feet twitching, but I figured that since she couldn't see below the desk, I was safe.

If everyone thinks I'm insane by the end of this internship, I will blame the Demon Coffee.

What does Demon Coffee look like?



It comes in decorative, deceptive packaging.

From Barcelona

It comes in many pretty, beguiling colors. Like candy.

From Barcelona

There is a lot of it. That wall? Completely made up of boxes of coffee.

From Barcelona

You see the lines right below this text? The blue ones in the picture? That's a genome made of coffee. Yeah. I think that's what my genome looks like.

From Barcelona